If my 20s had a theme song, it definitely wouldn’t be to the tunes of Taylor Swift (sorry, girl). It’d probably be a little more along the lines of Beyonce/Britney/Rihanna and although I hate to admit this, that hot mess of a singer Ke$ha. Uhhhh, Tik Tok anyone? That song basically describes my life. Sad, I know, but true.
Anyway, if you’re feeling as out of control as I am, don’t worry, your 20s are your last chance to royally screw up. So embrace it baby. Here are 12 mistakes I grant you permission to make before your 30th birthday. Go get ‘em, slugger!
1. Dating A Douchebag In Exchange For Booze
I did this for the better half of my early 20s and am proud to say that I got all of my friends drunk A LOT for free. Hey, bottle service is sort of necessary when you’re trying to live off an entry level salary in LA.
2. Falling Off The Table At A Club
Speaking of bottle service, I once flipped over backwards off a table at a club onto the stairs and no one seemed to notice. If that isn’t proof this mistake is okay to make, I don’t know what is.
3. Peeing In A Cab
It’s unsanitary, it’s gross and yep, I’ve definitely done it. When you gotta go, you gotta go, right? My advice to you: have your friend sit in the front of the cab and distract the driver while you pull your skirt up and let the floodgates open. Turn the jams up for extra precaution.
4. Wearing A Totally Skanky, But Smokin’ Hot Outfit
One word: booty shorts. Mine are from American Apparel and make my ass look great. What can I say? Dance too much booty in the pants! Dance! Dance! Dance!
5. Going To Work Completely Hungover
There’s no way my body will be able to handle Margarita Mondays or Tequila Tuesdays for that much longer, so might as well get it out of my system now. Luckily, I work from home so projectile vomiting and avoiding all human contact in the early am isn’t mission impossible. It did, however, used to be.
6. Having A One-Night Stand
Every 20 something should experience this at least once. Just don’t accept his friend request on Facebook like I did or it might make you nauseous every time he pops up on your newsfeed. Ick.
7. Overdrafting Your Bank Account
It’s happened to all of us at least once before, myself included. Let’s just say my shopping habit used to get a little out of control. I mean, why else do you think I took up freelance writing? For the free swag, of course.
8. Bleaching Your Hair Blonde
I’m STILL trying to scratch this one off my list. So uh, any hairstylists out there that won’t try to talk me out of channeling my inner Gwen Stefani? For Pete’s sake, I know it’s bad for my hair, but just let me do it once. I promise to get heavy highlights next time. Please, oh please?
9. Getting Burned On Craigslist
My friend once wired money to someone on Craigslist to hold an apartment for her in a foreign country. I know what you’re thinking, this sounds super sketch, and yes it does. But here’s the thing, only she had access to withdraw the funds, no one else. Despite that fact, the crazy Craigslist person still made a fake passport of her anyway and emptied the account!
10. Drunk Dialing And/Or Sexting Your Ex
As you already know from reading this list, booze makes me do a lot of stupid stuff, like drunk dialing my ex 27 times in a row or sending incoherent text messages at 4:00am, which I must delete shamefully the morning after. Good thing I have a boyfriend now so I can quit embarrassing myself. Or wait, scratch that—I’ve just started drunk dialing/sexting him instead.
11. Not Hitting The Gym Regularly
Luckily my metabolism hasn’t gone to shit yet. I mean, doesn’t sex count as a workout?
12. Falling For The Wrong Guy
Before I met my current boo, I was constantly crushing on major losers (see mistake #1). You get the point. I wasn’t trying to get married or anything, so whatevvvvs.
image via 8tracks.com