It’s pretty obvious that people’s Facebook and Twitter pics are basically more important than keeping a healthy diet. I mean it- if you consider that most of America is overweight and most of America is obsessed with updating their profile photo at least a few times a year… well, you catch my drift (just for the record, I love salads and don’t update my photo that often). So, I figured I’d do a good deed and talk to the experts about how to have a perfect photo. There are some big rules to obey, though:
NEVER:
1. Post a photo with your butt, stomach, or nipples exposed. I don’t care how “fit” or how “sexy” or how “gay” you are. It’s not acceptable. If you’re trying to exist in the real world, invest in enough fabric to cover your ladybits. Also, just don’t do generally stupid things like the photo above.
2. Have one of those “I obviously cut my ex out of the other half of this pic even though his arm is still visible on one of my shoulders” pics. LAME.
3. Include photos of really dumb cocktails. You look like a schmuck if you’re drinking directly out of a bottle of Captain Morgan… that’s just a scientific fact.
ALWAYS:
1. Have a signature style piece. Maybe it’s a hand woven scarf or an awesome vintage frock- it doesn’t matter, just make sure you have one statement piece of fashion loveliness that stands out and makes people instantly think, “wow, I like her style.” It’s the kind of thing that’ll make your relative-friends proud to share genes with you and your future employer excited to hire you after stalking your page. MARK makes some cheap accessories that add a little wow without breaking the bank, and we doubt anyone will be able to tell you only paid like $18 bucks for the accessory that made you look like a Facebook princess.
2. Have, glowing flawless skin. How’s this possible, you say? Well, it’s not a reality for everyone, but everyone can fake it. Try light foundation and a good sweep of blush to make you seem perky and awake. This one from Elizabeth Arden is light as a feather and photographs particularly well. If you’re a beauty maven, try dabbing a little highlighting powder to the inner corners of your eyes and beneath your brow bone.
3. Have groomed hair. The messy look is sorta OK, so long as it’s an actual look and not just a weird “I don’t care enough to put any effort in” kinda thing. I recommend some hair spray with a light hold, try it, you probably need it if you’re wondering, “do I need it?” Try this Rockaholic spray for a light-medium hold that won’t leave you 80’s crunchy.
4. According to our in-house photography expert, Gary Adrian Randall, always take photos with the camera pointed down at you to avoid that wicked double chin thing… just don’t do it while you’re sitting on the toilet or in front of a mirror posing like an Ed Hardy-wearing slut.
