Contrary to Tila Tequila and all the uhhh…“classy” women on The Bad Girl’s Club, you DON’T have to dress like a stripper (or act like one – yea, you know exactly what I’m talking about) to get a guy’s attention when you go out. Sure, maybe donning a see-through dress with your thong hanging out cuts it for high class hookers in Vegas, but unless you’re into THAT sort of attention, we suggest you, 1. Put some undies on, and 2. Start abiding by our rules.
We know, we know…you’re probably reading this thinking “ew, that’s SO not my style” or “OMG, I would neverrr” but chances are you and your outfit have inadvertently scored a spot on said hottie’s “Hit It and Quit It” list at least once during your drinking career. I mean, maybe McDreamy never actually got around to bringing you home that night or his story about how his pet fish died and he’s too upset to call—EVER—is in fact true…either way, dressing like you belong on a street corner isn’t going to land you a date anytime soon.
That said, here are 5 basic rules you can follow to avoid looking like that sexy-guy-at-the-bar’s next booty call (or just a veteran dancer at Crazy Girls if that’s more your issue):
Rule 1: Quit borrowing clothes from your size zero friend’s closet, unless you actually ARE a size zero.
We get it. She has the sickest wardrobe and you’re completely over everything you own in your closet—so borrowing garb from hers’ seems like a great idea, right? Wrong! Is that new silk button-up blouse she wore out last weekend really going to look so hot on you when your boobs are spilling out and every scumbag at the bar is ogling your exposed flesh? No, we didn’t think so. So unless it’s loose and the tag says “one size fits all,” DON’T even think about putting it on!
Rule 2: Leave a little to the imagination, i.e., don’t show off all your goods at once.
Let’s face it, nobody likes a show off. And just because you’ve got killer legs and the perfect set of boobs, it doesn’t mean guys need to see all of you, all of the time. So just like choosing between the smoky eye and red lip when you apply your makeup, opt for either the short skirt or low cut top when you go out. Remember, less is not ALWAYS more, and highlighting more than one feature is akin to committing fashion suicide…a big no-no in our book!
Rule 3: Crop tops and belly tees are permissible at sweaty music festivals and pool parties ONLY.
Ok, we all know the belly tee is the perfect excuse to let a potential love interest know about your smokin’ hot bod—however—the time and place to let him know is NOT Friday night at the club (sorry!). Take a tip from us and save these midriff bearing gems for occasions that actually require them—you know—like Coachella desert fêtes and blistering hot pool parties in LA.
If you just can’t seem to resist the tantalizing lure of the crop top (we’re guilty too), then pull on some high-wasted skinnies, slip into some cute heels and call it a night. Just make sure you do a quick once- over before you actually head out in public. If your ENTIRE stomach is exposed, you should probably turn your happy ass right back around and change into something more fitting…ummm, immediately. Otherwise, we suppose a flash of skin now and again (like when you’re fist pumping to the electronic beats of DJ Pauly D) never hurt anybody.
Rule 4: Leave the stripper shoes and pleather bodysuits at home.
If you arrive at a beer garden looking like a sluttier version of Lady GaGa, reality, no one is going to take you seriously. You’ll definitely get your fair share of bitchy looks and “OMFG, WTF IS SHE WEARING” or just “WTF DUDE,” but no guy (unless he’s a slimeball looking for a one night stand) is going to give you the time of day. So remember, if it’s not October 31st—in which case it’s perfectly acceptable to wear your 10 inch heels and heinous imitation leather—leave that skanky Halloween costume where it belongs: at HOME!
Rule 5: Go easy on the makeup.
There’s definitely a fine line between putting on too MUCH or too LITTLE makeup when you go out. We all know guys love the “natural look,” but if you step out of the house without even a hint of mascara or some gloss on, all those other bitches are definitely going to outshine you. In fact, they might even steal your new potential man! On the other hand, if your face looks like your adorable 2-year-old sister (who just got into your mom’s makeup for the first time) did it, every person at the bar is going to be laughing at you. So instead, try settling for a look that meets the two somewhere in between. Dab on some bronzer and play up those peepers, or apply some light concealer and add a shock of color to your lips. Because, who knows, you might be batting your lashes or blowing an air kiss at that cute guy across the room later…not that we would actually recommend doing either though.
