That time I was a teenage stripper.
Okay, some slight exaggeration there. While my girlish good looks still get me carded (and frustrated), my glory days are dead and gone. And after taking a pole dancing class with S-Factor, I’ll never look at the art of stripping the same way again.
I know, I know. The “art” of stripping? I sound like Demi Moore trying to plead her case to Bruce Willis after making the tasteful decision to star in Strip Tease. But pole-dancing (as I will refer to it henceforth) is physically challenging; and when learning the tricks of the trade in a structured class, emotionally rewarding.
Sheila Kelly, an actress/writer/producer (you know, like me), first saw potential in pole-dancing when training for her role in the 2000 film Dancing at the Blue Iguana. Her body had physically morphed from the workout she was receiving; and we’re not talking Million Dollar Baby Hillary Swank butch body or Blow Penelope Cruz drug addict body (although I’d trade my first-born and my teeth for that coked-up body). We’re talking flat stomach, hot ass, toned thighs & arms body; resulting in S-shape curves (hence; the name of the fitness program).
The atmosphere at S-Factor is nothing like your typical gym class, and basically a dream-come-true for someone like me (read: someone who’s idea of cardio only happens in between the sheets and rather infrequently). We all met in a mirror-less room, a luxury I couldn’t help but be enthused by. I don’t want to go to a gym class that consists of staring at myself looking like a hot mess for an hour. I can do that at home. The lack of mirrors made it easier to focus on yourself, your pleasure, and your body; getting in tune with these things being the basic philosophy of the S-Factor program.
A second treat was that there was essentially no light in the studio during the course of the class. If anyone was watching you, you’d be the last to know. This makes stroking your vag, grabbing fistfuls of your own ass, and flipping your hair from left to right like you’re trying out for a Pantene Pro-V commercial a lot more empowering (trust me, it was more ladylike than it sounds. Maybe ladylike is the wrong word. It was hot. Let’s leave it at that).
My instructors, Jill and Alexia, had the most insane bodies I’ve ever seen, which made me more inclined to follow their directions. I don’t particulary appreciate getting sassed by hot girls, so it was an enjoyable experience to have instructors encouraging you and not correcting your every move. The point of the class isn’t to teach you how to be sexy, but to let go of your inhibations and essentially, feel yourself up and LIKE IT (which results in being sexy and not just acting the part). Jill and Alexia had somehow learned all of our names, and cheered us on individually each time one of us did something porn-worthy.
We started with a series of pretty steamy floor moves masked as what we all know as “stretching”. By the time we were done, I was ready to go out and bang the first person I saw (man, woman, geriatric, fuck it. My switch had been flipped). But we still had to master the pole. By master, I mean do our best to swing around it without breaking any bones. Jill and Alexia, who both started as S-Factor students, made pole dancing look easier than making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Don’t be fooled by the media though (except for me. You can trust me); no one is walking into a strip club, down and out on her luck, and saying, “Hey there. I’ve lost all my prospects. Can I get a job?” No. NO. Maybe you can squeak by on lap dances and sucking your finger, honey; but pole-dancing doesn’t just come to you in the middle of the night like the name of the song you forgot. It requires strength, flexibility, coordination, and attitude. For example, we were taught that, even if we did a shitty spin around the pole, we had to end the move rising from the ground ass-first. This is only one of the life lessons I learned during my two hour session.
Despite some exhaustion (it was Friday night, after all), I was surprised that I didn’t break a sweat during the class. That led me to believe that this was more like a self-empowerment class that tricks you by hiring hot instructors that you strive to look like. Not so. The next day, I felt pain in places I didn’t know existed (which proves that I’m really not touching myself as much as I should). Pain is the mark of any great work out, and so I’m left with a positive impression of both S-Factor and its results.
S-Factor is available for private parties, but I highly suggest considering regular classes if you’re looking for a new workout program. From my experience, the classes build confidence, strength, a sick body, and a collection of bedroom tricks that I previously thought money couldn’t buy (I almost feel bad for the boyfriends of these instructors. Do they even manage to make it past foreplay with these ladies? If they do, do they have any friends?)
 If you’re interested in finding out more, the ladies at S-Factor are throwing a (costumed) benefit and open house for the Bright Pink fund (a breast and ovarian health educational program) and The S Fund (a tuition relief program). The benefit is October 25th from 7 PM to 10 PM and takes place at one of S-Factor’s 2 Manhattan locations (235 West 23rd St. 3rd Floor). RSVP at 212-989-8030.Â
very informative and funny!