Bryce Gruber’s Thoughts of the Day (chocolate edition)

What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others. -Pericles

1. I Need A Filter. A couple nights ago I was at Boyfriend’s house after a late dinner so we decided to head to bed with haste. It wasn’t the kind of hot-and-steamy head to bed that you might assume, but more of a “wow, long day of work and dinner was really heavy so let’s pass out sooner than later.” As we disrobed, he did his usual checking of ESPN data, I took off makeup and jewelry and we sort of started a casual conversation about the nature of my Thoughts of the Day. He mentioned that he frequently gets calls from his friends and family about these posts, partially because he doesn’t share as much and my posts are a window into his life for his circle, and partially because I just say too much. And it’s true. I do. I say a lot, but I think it’s for the greater good. I get a lot of tweets, emails, facebook messages, and even text messages from people saying thank you for being so open and honest about the ups, downs, and in-betweens of my life. Here are some of my favorites:

“Hearing why you chose to have your son the way you did really inspired me. Love and instinct matters much more than I thought.”

“…he finally said he loves you??! well, thanks for writing this post because it took my bf like 6 months to get there and it made me so insecure along the way. i felt so much better after reading your post and that i’m not alone in those stupid feelings.”

“I’m a single mom also and sometimes I feel like my friends and family members just don’t get it. I always forward them your posts about your son and your dating because no one ever tries to understand.”

2. So Here’s My Reasoning. I’ve been writing these thoughts of the day partially because I have felt (for a long time) that people have sort of typecast me as snotty bitch. That couldn’t be further from the truth. There’s been a lot of press out there on me (and some of it is my own fault) reflecting that I’m a too-good-heiress that has no time for anyone other than myself and a select group of private-jet-owning celebutards that I obviously make out with in the back of nightclubs while sipping $2,000 bottles of champagne. That’s bullsh*t. Total bulls*t. I like the way I live, but my life is covered head to toe in the reality of being a mom (read: covered head to toe in schmutz), working like a maniac, and spending all the time I can (when I can) with the people I love. But, it’s not just that. I know I have a story to tell that reflects the stories of so many other women (and possibly some gay men), and I know it’s one that reminds people that life is good, short, beautiful, and to be cherished. And I think it’s sort of our duty as humans to do our best to fill up the world with good stuff and inspiration… so this is one of the ways I choose to do just that. And, in a bittersweet dose of truth, the only people I’ve cared about really in the past 2+ years are my son and my close inner circle of friends and family. So writing about men, especially, just sort of didn’t matter. I didn’t take anyone I was dating seriously (at all), I didn’t pick up my phone when men would call (I had better stuff to do), I would sort of go on dates just because it was nice to eat dinner with an adult male, and the only “boyfriends” I really had were short-lived at best because I was less than awesome as a girlfriend. I know this. So, it was sort of strange to have the realization this week that I DO care now, and this time is certainly different, and I need to hush my mouth from time to time. Ah, life lessons.

3. The Best Words Ever Said To Me. I walked in my front door, saw my son sitting on the couch with a sippy cup and I instantly smiled. He threw his cup down, screamed “MOMMMMMMY!” and ran at me like a bullet heading out the barrel of a gun. He hopped up in my arms, looked me in the eyes, and for the first time ever just matter-of-factly said, “Mommy, I’m happy!” I win! I win like Charlie Sheen, the Green Bay Packers, Kelly Clarkson on the first season of American Idol, and Michael Phelps- combined. I hope he says those words forever and ever. A happy kid = a successful parent.

4. A Brief Prayer. I’m not really sure what everyone out there believes in. Maybe it’s some ambiguous sense of God, or a distinct belief in Jesus, Allah, a whole bunch of saints or just spirituality in general, but I think it’d be beautiful if everyone took a few minutes to close their eyes and send some good thoughts/prayers to the people affected by Japan’s massive earthquake today, the tsunamis, and all the fallout from this that will obviously take a long time to fix.