Call me on my vibrator

Well, needless to say, it’s been a minute. I know, I know, I’ve been missed. As much as I’d love if this was some plotted comeback  a la Britney Spears, I’m not that talented (or apt at showing off my vag).  I’ve been head-over-Loubs busy living the life of the struggling Manhattanite (read: trying to find the perfect balance between tequila shots, Balmain, and paying my rent). Regardless, what better way to get back in the saddle, so to speak, than writing about the musings of the magical attraction between female genitalia and vibrations…of any kind. I bring to you…

The first x-rated iPhone App – MyPleasure.com’s MyVibe:

The other day, I was sitting in my apartment sharing a beverage with a friend when it came up in conversation just how silly it is that I can’t rub my phone against my vag to bring myself to orgasm. I mean, really! What has the govenment been WORKING on this whole time. Obama, you promised us CHANGE. Change and democracy and freedom! And my vag has frankly been sitting in a glass case of emotion this entire time because of what my phone has been unable to provide.

Thankfully, someone came to their senses and began realizing how much better the world would be if everyones phones smelled like vag. No one will ask to borrow a phone again, that’s for sure. Oh, you want to call your Great Aunt Muriel in the Czech Republic? Sure, take this phone. It’s been rubbed against my panties for the last 15-18 minutes, but go for it!

To operate this vibrator that just also happens to receive and send phone calls, there are up and down arrows you can press to control the intensity of the vibration. I’m not sure these folks at the Genius Bar will be ready to fix the damage that my phone is about to endure, but I’m definitely going to have a blast describing it to them.