If your name is on this list and you are a female, you are probably crazy.
First off, I don’t take credit for this list of names, because I didn’t make it up (thank you, Buzzfeed, yet again). This list is thought to have been compiled as a result of a study of women who commit crimes or something, but it’s The Internet, so who really knows? What we do know is that it should serve as a cautionary tale to intelligent men, but instead just attracts men who never learn their lesson.
I apologize in advance if your name is on this list. Please don’t sit outside my window at night and watch me cry while I masturbate.
What I don’t apologize for, are the meanings I made up for these ‘crazy woman’ names, because that shit is all in good fun.
READ MORE: Titty Twerking. It’s a Thing. Look it Up
Ashley- Your parents are incredibly uncreative, and probably ignored you to the point that you realized as a teenager the best way to get attention was to trap a man into marrying you and have a baby. Now you not only carry a condom around in your purse, but you also carry around a needle to poke a hole in it.
Shannon- You were probably born with a penis since the name ‘Shannon’ works for either sex. All this gender ambiguity in your youth lead you to fall prey to your Irish roots. Now you drink yourself into a frenzy every night and text all your exes photos of your ginger bush.
Rebecca– You’re Jewish.
Mary- You’re Catholic.
Christina- Your parents set unrealistic expectations of you from the jump. They, after all, basically named you after Jesus Christ himself. You have always tried to live up to that standard by getting the perfect jobs, dating perfect men, avoiding getting crucified, and being the best at absolutely everything. You even pretend to care about things, when inside your head you are silently talking shit about everything around you, while drinking warm cooking sherry and eating frosting out of the canister (with your fingers).
Please don’t feel singled out if you are on this list. I think it’s important to remember (and as a gay man, this is something I never forget) that every woman, regardless of her name, has at least a touch of crazy waiting on standby in her purse.
[ via ][ via ]
