If you are going to do a pregnancy portrait, make sure it will embarrass your child for years to come.
Yes, honey, you were conceived at Electric Daisy. It’s just a coincidence that we named you Molly.
We post a lot of awkward pregnancy photos around here, but as long as the world keeps them coming, we will keep posting them. That’s called supply and demand, people.
I’m just going to say it, if you are currently pregnant, there is about a 40% chance your child will turn out to be a real asshole. If he or she isn’t as asshole, there are still bound to be some times when you think: “Why did I have a kid when I just could have gotten a pet, or sponsored some rando kid from a third world country, like Russia, or whatever?”
I have enough friends with kids to know that parenting is no picnic, and there are going to be days when you wish you had thought twice about using the pull-out method in the back of your boyfriend’s pick up truck.
READ MORE: Nine Ways to Annoy a Pregnant Woman
The good news is, you aren’t completely powerless. You are the mother, so it is basically your job to embarrass your kid for the rest of his or her life. This child-shaming doesn’t even have to wait until the little shit is born, because we live in an age where everyone likes to share everything online.
So if you want a little leverage over your child, make sure to add some really embarrassing photos into your next pregnancy photo shoot. Whether or not you decide to publish them so the world can see, you will always have something to hold over your kids head the first time they call you a bitch under their breath.
