Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Hippopotamus Breast Milk (FYI It’s Pink)

Hippos may look like cute, cuddly, over-sized mushroom pillows, but we all know that they are actually bloodthirsty animals that are basically like stampeding elephants with less wind resistance. It shouldn’t surprise you then, that there are a lot of other interesting facts about the hippopotamus species, starting with the fact that their breast milk is pink.

No, you didn’t read that wrong. Hippo udders are basically like strawberry quick dispensers, which explains why baby hippos always look so happy. Here are a few more precious gems about hippos that you might want to take note of:

The pink color comes from Hipposudoric acid, which is reddish in hue. This acid (nicknamed “blood sweat”) is actually neither blood nor sweat, but acts to minimize bacteria on the Hippo’s skin and is also useful as a sunscreen. Instead of bathing in the blood of virgins, Madonna should probably consider hippo milk as a means of protection from UV rays.

The breast milk of my dreams

Hippos are the only mammals that produce pink milk (as the rest of the mammals snap their fingers in jealous awe of this hippo awesomeness).

A single cup of Hippo’s milk has 500 calories. Paula Deen would approve.

Hippos give birth underwater, so the first thing a baby hippo experiences is near-death by drowning. Mother Hippos can eject milk underwater as well, and baby hippos can drink it by closing their ears and nostrils. Note, I have tried to do this in a different context. It didn’t work.

Spoiled little brat.

Hippos, like white men, can’t jump. They can easily outrun a human though, so strap on your Nikes if you plan to visit a safari any time soon.

Hippo teeth are made out of ivory, just like an elephant’s tusk. In fact, George Washington’s false syphilis teeth were carved from the ivory from a Hippo!

The Elephant, Rhinoceros, and Hippopotamus are the three largest mammals found on land, followed closely by all the surviving members of Wilson Phillips.