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Germans, Stop the Violence.

Written by Bryce


There’s a reason I typically don’t date German men.  Actually a few, but let’s focus on

a) harsh accents and b) their tendency to use cured meats in acts of violence.

This past weekend 2 old-ish German people were hospitalized after a brutal battle with salami in a local grocery store.  The fight took place in Germany’s western city, Aachen, when a 74 year old man and a 35 year old woman both tried to get the same shopping cart.

As the old dude wrestled the away from the woman, her 24 year old brother stepped in to the role of courageous and brutish sister’s-cart-protector.  He knocked the 74 year old to the ground with a single punch. (side note, were there no other carts available? or was this one gold-plated?)

With the aid of their 53 year old mother, the brother and sister took the cart into the supermarket to shop post-beatdown.  But that wasn’t the end of the battle… the old man had recovered just enough to follow the family of beasts to the cheese counter.  He then proceeded to beat the 24 year old man with a salami as his mother tried to protect him with a sharp 4 lb block of Parmesan.

The old dude fought back, hard.  He pushed the mother down onto a glass counter and cracked her head.  Soon after, German police arrived to break up the supermarket brawl.

Luckily, the cart went undamaged.

About the author


Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

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