Got a job, hipster?

I went to Pitchfork and I had a revelation. What exactly do hipsters do? Somewhere between Matt & Kim and The National’s set I started to look around at all of the fluorescent, the women’s jeans on men and the fanny packs, and it hit me like a vegan burrito…do these people work? How can they if they’re constantly walking around the city aimlessly, traveling from music festival to “$2 PBR and free tot” nights dressed like a bum who can afford American Apparel? And these hipster outfits…some I give props to, others…I mean come on…a 1-piece mom bathing suit from the dirty Salvation Army with cut off shorts and cowboy boots? Who’s hiring you in that get-up? Oh yeah and how are you paying for your digs and all of your hipster “must-haves” if you don’t have a job?

Those of you from Chicago know that Bucktown and Wicker Park birth hipsters. They’re coming out of the cracks of the sidewalks in front of the vintage shops with asymmetrical hair cuts, dirty Keds and grandma sweaters. They stay in their little safe hipster world unless a festival brings them out and then they jump on their messenger bikes and cross the ‘hood line that separates the “real hipsters” from the “fake hipsters.” You know, the ones that live downtown but try to look dirty with their $200 jeans paired with Haute Hippie couture? I would love to see these 2 groups in a fight…they’d be throwing fanny packs and TOMS shoes at each other, it would be awesome.

I breakdance on the line between hipster and downtown chic. I like indie bands but I like to shower. I love festivals and wearing rando outfits to them but I have a job. I enjoy my TOMS shoes but I enjoy my Barbara Bui and Pedro Garcias more. It’s like going fully vegetarian or vegan…can you really do it? Can you really go full-on hipster? How are they making money? Are their digs livable? And most importantly, how did they pay for their Lollapalooza ticket?