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Gov of Texas Asks Americans to Fast in the Name of Jesus

Written by Bryce

UGHHHHH

You know, I’d like to consider myself a spiritual person. I think it’s cool to believe in anything you want to believe in… but I have a big effing issue when elected leaders take it upon themselves to sway the minds of the people they govern. Governor Rick Perry of Texas, you were not put into office by Divine Right, and I’m 99% certain that YOU are not God’s plan for the American people. In fact, I think it’s noble that you recognize the state of moral decay in our country, natural disasters, and all sorts of other terrible stuff… but says who are you supposed to tell every American to get down on their knees and pray to Jesus?!

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Houston have an insanely big population of Hindus that probably think you’re a total piece of crap right now? I mean, I hope you’re not counting on them to get reelected or anything. Oh, and what about all those Jews in Dallas and Houston? Do you think they want to get on their knees for Jesus to stop hurricanes? No. I’m pretty sure the Hindus and Jews will be spending their time working on engineering degrees to combat natural disaster with fierce levees and a team of marine biologists that will encourage natural and steady ecosystem growth.

Also, wouldn’t a 1-day fast hurt the local economy of Tejas? You know, where tons of obesity lurks and food is a way of life? Just sayin’.

About the author

Bryce

Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

1 Comment

  • esus has been cutting my lawn and making my meals in restaurant kitchens for years. I think he does a wonderful job. It is great that Perry wants to pray to him, but I am quite sure Jesus is uncomfortable with the fact Perry wants him deported.Talk about taking the Lord’s name in vain. Look at this governor’s budget to see his morality in real terms. His “posturing” as a religious leader is pretentious and highly offensive. Even more, his partnership with the anti-gay American Family Association for an event in Houston-a city with an elected lesbian mayor-is an affront. I need to get the f*ck out of Texas.

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