Have You Ever Wanted Your Own Personal Helicopter?

Zero personal helicopter
Written by Gary

Helicopters are an easy way to get from place to place, if you don’t mind the constant threat of a fatal death spiral. Introducing the “Zero” personal helicopter, for all your personal helicoptering needs.

Zero personal helicopter

The name “zero” stands for your zero chance of survival, should you crash this thing. Seriously, the scariest part of a helicopter ride is the fact that the sides are open, and you are only one faulty seatbelt away from being flattened like Tilda Swinton’s chest upon the ground below. I don’t know that many people that would need a personal helicopter, except of course myself. Seriously, sometimes when I am drunk, walking the 15 feet to the bathroom to pee straight vodka would be much more fun if I were helicoptering. Of course, I would be putting myself at risk of a HUI.

The only people I can think of that would need this are the Beckhams, and Mariah Carrey. The Beckhams because David could attend a lot more family dinners if he could get from the homes of his mistresses back to his estate more quickly, and Mariah Carey because she doesn’t have a house, or a mansion. She has a compound. In her compound she has a mermaid room that constantly streams the movie The Little Mermaid. Yes, it’s that cheesy. Also I don’t know if you have seen her in the past few years but it’s pretty clear that she is no fan of walking.

So if you ever find yourself needing to travel a short distance in complete terror, maybe the Zero personal helicopter is the right mode of transport for you.

Zero personal helicopter

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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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