How much is too much? 12.

“I ended up on a shrink’s couch, and he told me to write down how much I did in a week: 20 E’s, 4 grams of coke, six of speed, half an ounce of hash, three bottles of Jack Daniel’s, 12 bottles of red wine, 60 pints.”

-Colin Farrell in 2003

Colin enjoying a glass of one of the twelve bottles of wine he drinks a week

Now I am not an expert on how much coke or speed is beyond obscene but if there is one thing I do know, its my booze. And dang, Colin..I know we Irish enjoy a stiff drink here and there but 3 bottles of Jack Daniel’s and 12 bottles of red wine in a week? First of all if I have more than one shot of Jack I am completely incoherent for the rest of the night(you would probably be able to find me sprawled on a cold, tiled bathroom floor drunk dialing every person I’ve ever met in my entire lifetime in between bouts of violent vomiting.) It’s just not a pretty sight, Mr. Daniel’s and I are NOT friends–we had a minor falling out some time ago and now choose to avoid each other at all costs to ensure no incidents happen..just trying to keep the peace, people. And as far as the wine, I mean, I consider myself a borderline wino but shit, 12 bottles in a week?? Even if I had the desire to drink that much in one week, to be completely honest, I just wouldn’t even have time to. Doesn’t he have shit to do? I can’t just stroll around all day with a bottle of wine, I have to drive and work and function like a human being.

Obviously Colin Farrell’s diet is not ideal or healthy by any means, but it got me thinking about alcohol and how bad it really is for you..I’ve heard it is good for you to have a glass or so of red wine a day, but is that just an old wives tale? I decided to do some research and see if our favorite beverage is actually good for you.

From what I can tell the bottle has some pros and cons (once again, I will never claim to be an expert in any scientific field, ever. I took one science class in college and it was because I was forced to.) It’s really all about moderation, something Colin Farrell clearly knows very little about. The expert writing I’ve read has lead me to believe that one glass of red wine a day is the ideal amount. Anything more can cause liver damage and anything less and you won’t receive the anti-aging, heart health, and anti-dementia benefits from it. So go ahead and have your glass of wine with dinner and your ticker will stay in tip top shape and you will also reduce the chances of having a The Notebook experience.

Now whether you are enjoying your wine at a dinner party, out on the town with girlfriends or just chilling on your couch watching a flick, I know you don’t want to be sporting wine stained teeth, lips or tongue..thats just not cute, my proof is below.

I told you..not cute.

To solve this pesky little problem, I give you..Wine Wipes. Wine Wipes are these handy little guys that come in a little case that is about the size of an average lip balm. 20 wipes come to a case and all you do is simply wipe teeth, mouth and tongue with these wipes and your wino evidence is gone. They retail for $6.95 each or 3 for $18.00 and can be found at retailers nationwide and online at WineWipes.com. These are super handy, especially when you are out and find yourself with wine teeth while trying to hit on someone..just use Wine Wipes and you can spit game with pearly whites!