If you are feeling lonely, buy a creepy hugging chair from Japan.
I’m not really much of a hugger. In fact, my friends have told me that my hugs resemble the cold touch of one of Death’s skeleton fingers, clasping onto their shoulders on a cold autumn night. I am also a one-hugger, putting as much effort into my hugs as I do early morning hand jobs. I keep it this way, because I don’t actually understand why we hug each other so much. I also don’t understand (and rebel against) the double kiss, but that’s another story for another gay day.
Japanese people feel differently than me apparently, because they have invented a hugging chair.
The formal name for this creepy piece of work is the ‘tranquility chair’ and it comes complete with a human face and arms that wrap around you in either an affectionate embrace, or a simulated prison rape choke hold, depending on how you like your affection.
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The hugging chair is actually meant for older people with dementia or mental issues, who can talk to the doll as well as appreciate it’s warm caresses. The chair also plays old Japanese music, which is great to soothe the soul and get you into the mood.
I don’t know how many old Japanese people are suffering from anxiety or anger, but I feel like having a chair resembling a human would only add to my nervousness, because I would worry about it coming alive and raping me in the night.
To address the question in your head, yes, I have already ordered two of them.
