I’m Too Thirsty for Tinder

Written by corey

This year has royally sucked. I’ve spent a lot of time alone this year. Sure, I’ve met plenty of men in bars and/or online and we’ve spent magical hours together — sometimes they even let me stay the night. However, with the rise of the Tinder App, I just assumed that dating would become easier for me. It hasn’t. I found out today, that I, am too thirsty for Tinder.

Let me break this down for you. I’m a relatively cute “twink” and sometimes I can be “masc4masc,” but not really. It’s really hard out there for me. I’m very woe is me right now. I’m allowed to be. My issue with Tinder (for gay men), is that it just doesn’t work. I do not have an age filter set or a location filter set. Why the fuck do I always run out of guys in my area? I go through it daily — swiping left and right for guys I like and don’t like. And here’s the kicker — I run out of people to swipe every damn day! How is that possible? How is that even okay? You know how it’s possible? Because I’m too damn thirsty for Tinder. I am. I admit it. I have a serious swiping problem and it stresses me out. When I match with a man, I’ll wait a bit to say anything. When I do say something or respond to someone, it literally goes nowhere. Not one man has asked me out on a date and I’ve got some great pictures up there! Finally, when I ask someone out on a date I get no answer.

I match with guys all the time. I really do. Does it go anywhere? No. Never. Do you know how many Tinder dates I’ve been on? Zero. I’ve been on this damn app since it started and I can’t find someone to go on a date with. I put myself out there. And cut that shit about it coming to when I least expect it. What is wrong with my dating life? I just want a boyfriend to share Seamless accounts with and to binge watch The Carrie Diaries with.

I was chatting with a tech friend about dating apps and she suggested that I try out a new app called Hinge. I think this could be for me. It’s all about connecting you with people that you share mutual friends with on Facebook. It allows you to fill out more of a personality profile — which is great because Tinder seems to be based purely on looks.

Or maybe it’s just gay dating in general that fucking sucks. Living in New York City is wonderful but everyone is “so busy all the time,” and I put that in quotes because no one is ever actually busy. I’m over dating. I’ll be forever alone and I’m okay with that. At least I have Seamless.

Photos: via My Thirsty Ass

About the author


Corey is a self-proclaimed heiress and the love child of Anne Boleyn and Marie Antoinette. He's a thug in a cocktail dress with a penchant for open-bars and puns. He has his barista's call him Beyonce and he's never been to Brooklyn.

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