Is that a cockmold in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Remember that time you took a guy home from the bar and spaced on the chicken cutlets you’d stuffed down your shirt earlier; his gentle caress landing him with a handful of silicone and a facial expression that teetered between amusement and fear?

Was it as mortifying as these male enhancement undergarments?

Men buying these underpants don’t know what they’re in for. The chicken cutlet concept is not something to aspire to. If us ladies had it our way, chicken cutlets would be one of those “girl things” guys don’t acknowledge at all, like Spanx or taking a shit. The last thing men should do is jump on the “I’m going to trick you into being attracted to fake body parts” bandwagon. That mold (available in black and white!) looks like something Vincent Price would’ve created to help Edward Scissorhands bag Winona Ryder.

Designer Andrew Christian says this of the soft-molded briefs: “Guys want underwear that looks natural, feels great and makes them feel confident.” LOL. Not sure how confident one would feel when their dick suddenly appears two inches smaller than it did pre-underwear removal.

I wish I could say affirmatively that men are better than this, but according to Christian’s site, these underwear are best-sellers. This means one of two things– either men are buying into this fad, or they have bitchy girlfriends that are buying them in jest. “Tee-hee, reminder! Your penis is small!” Guys, we love the odd, furry appendage known as your penis. Don’t do it.