For those of you who know me personally, you already know that I basically don’t have a filter. And you know that I’m still breastfeeding my 9 month old. Since I know a lot of people personally, this has left me open to a great deal of bizarre questions and requests. Since the day I gave birth at Lenox Hill Hospital I started receiving requests (mostly males, but surprisingly a few females) from friends asking if they could try my breast milk. Some wanted it straight from the source, some wanted it pumped into a bottle to accompany corn flakes or coffee, and some had some bizarre sexual fantasies. I can’t say it’s anyone’s fault but my own: I think by writing about unspoken topics all day long, and being unmarried, people thought there was an open invitation to inquire about the Gruber Dairy Farm.
I was so happy with my son for the first few months that it didn’t even both me when people would ask for some breast milk, I’d just happily ignore the requests. By the time Ben was about 7 months though, life had settled back down, I was sleeping more normally, and my social life had resumed… so I had time to mentally process all the crazy requests of friends and associates. WTF?! I’m less disturbed by the i’d-like-to-taste-it-from-the-bottle type requests than the more peculiar c’mon-let-me-try-it-from-the-source-we’ve-been-friends-since-college requests. When I actually turned to a close male friend of several years and said, “Dude, no way, that’s for Benjamin and you’re creeping me out. Stop staring at my rack…” it occurred to me that there must be some science behind this beyond the fact that I went from a smallish C cup pre-Benjamin to a bursting-out-of-my-bra D (don’t get excited, they gradually go back down after the third or fourth month). So I started to research.
What I found was a staggering degree of evidence that supports the idea that adult breast feeding has huge health benefits. We all know that breast feeding is ideal for babies: protection against disease, diabetes later in life, immune function, weight control, eye function, higher IQ, better digestion, etc. But it may come as some surprise that NORMAL adults are starting to use human breast milk as treatment for Crohn’s disease, cancer, skin afflictions, pink eye, and more. Who knew?! Not me.
So, in the interest of science, charity, and curiosity I’m going to run some Luxury Spot clinical trials (well, not that clinical). In the weeks to come I’ll be pumping a little extra and giving it to a few lucky trial participants. We’ll also have a placebo. We’ll be sharing reported results as they come in. I’m betting Donny Papermaker would be pretty into signing up.
…I feel like Salma Hayek, but creepier.
Wow, this is indeed creepy.
Bryce you’d do everything to get traffic, would you?
But I have to admit I got some drops from my aunt after my first cousin was born…
On a teaspoon!!
I know a gent who runs a placement agency for butlers, chauffeurs, cooks, nannies, etc. for family offices and the like. He occasionally receives requests for wet nurses, almost exclusively from adult men (although sometimes its from recent mothers who can’t or don’t want to breast feed). The men always claim its for medicinal reasons (my acquaintance insists on a doctor’s note for verification) and most of them are happy with bottled milk. On a couple of occasions the clients have wanted to breast feed from the source.
In each case, once the note is produced, the headhunter (breasthunter?) facilitates an introduction with a source and lets her decide if she wants to proceed or not.
My great great nana was a wetnurse back in the day and I can’t imagine that. I stopped breastfeeding when my daughter was 6 months but my husband who has tried my breast milk compared it to the leftover milk from a bowl of honeynut cheerios. He didn’t set out to try it,he just forgot during foreplay and accidentally got a taste.
I’m sure your breast milk is nothing short of delicious, but I think I’ll stick to skim milk from Whole Foods to accompany my Fiber One flakes, thanks!
So most of your are saying that it’s MORE normal to suck down the fruit of a bovine teat than to, you know, keep it in the species. YOU’RE the crazy ones, sorry.