ENTERTAINMENT

On Adjusting Your Junk in Public

Written by Karina

Be careful, people.

I was recently sitting in my usual cozy coffee place, enjoying my usual Sumatra blend and adjusting my Spotify queue, when my eyes settled on a woman sitting diagonal to me, enjoying a similar cup of joe, adjusting her rack. Or something like that. She was deep into a book, and it took a second and a few double takes for me to realize that her hands were still covering her boobs. There was even a bit of light massage action going on. And a handful of people around us were watching it too.

My initial reaction was disbelief mixed with mild scoffing before I turned back to my beach-inspired playlist; but later, back in my own apartment, stuck on the precise wording for the lede of an article I was working on, I found myself caught in the same exact pose. Breast-handed, if you will. I didn’t even realize I was doing it, and what was even more crazy, I didn’t realize that I did it frequently, without thinking about it, whenever I was feeling antsy, tired, or – like right then – intently thinking about something else.

I suddenly wondered if I’d judged the coffee shop cupper unfairly. Was her public display of self-affection really that bad? I knew I’d seen plenty of men do the same to their lower regions and my opinions had been far more accepting. Crotch-grabbing is said to be a symbolic act of protection from bad luck in Italian folklore; but even the country’s own courts officially stopped buying that when they declared a ban on public ball gropes in 2008.

So where would this leave a lady who finds comfort in the occasional boob-hold? After I continued to monitor my newly discovered pattern of behavior, I realized it rarely seemed appealing or necessary in public places – a coffee shop for instance – because the potential gazes of strangers made it automatically less comforting. Yet, in the company of friends and roommates, I realized the tendency was just as natural as when I was alone. And as for others who want to engage in the same, I say, “Cup on!”  Because we may have evolved past a lot of our animalistic instincts, but we’ve still got the same parts as always. And underneath all the gear and clothes we pile on top of them, they just can’t help themselves.

About the author

Karina

a coastal-hopping country-come-cosmo girl who can be found getting her feet dirty all around Brooklyn and writing all over the Internet. She is the probably lovechild of Jay-Z and Dolly Parton. Follow her on Twitter @karinabthatsme

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