Penis pumpkins are the perfect way to be inappropriate on Halloween.
I actually won our pumpkin carving contest last year with this veiny masterpiece. Follow me on Instagram @Gadrianrandall if you want to see what kind of dick I carve this year (hint: it will be black).
Pumpkin carving is an age old tradition leading back to the days when people actually had to use candles for light, instead of just sex and ritual witchcraft. The origin story has to do with an Irish man named Stingy Jack, who was cursed to roam the earth with a burning coal in a turnip for being such an asshole that he tricked the devil into leaving him alone so many times that God wouldn’t even allow him into heaven. Sound like any Irish people you know? I’m pretty sure this story isn’t actually true.
READ MORE: How to Make a Truly Inappropriate Penis Cake
Nowadays gay guys, girls, and straight guys that secretly gave hand-tuggies in college use jack o’ lanterns as an excuse to carve dicks, as evidenced by these photos. Hopefully you can use them as some inspiration to create your very own dick pumpkin this year. Trick or treat mofos!
