Poop Bank Pays for Deposits, Really

You poop every single day, shouldn’t you make money for it at a poop bank?

There’s such a thing as a poop bank, and it’s willing to pay you for your finest fiber-ridden deposits. No, I’m not kidding, and yes, this sort of is the dream. Literally I think this is what George Washington envisioned for us: land ownership, rights, and the ability to make extra cash just from what follows the usual morning cup of coffee. The Boston Globe reported on this, detailing that the main reason for poop banks is that certain bacteria are essential for human survival. If you don’t make enough of your own, you’ll need a donor.

“Think of us as a blood bank, but for poop,” said Smith, who developed OpenBiome when he saw the gap in the medical structure to provide many patients with the life-saving fecal samples. “You shouldn’t have to fly across the country to get poop.”

Once a donor’s sample passes the medical exam, he or she is enrolled and scheduled to visit the Medford facility every day. Each visit takes 30 minutes, during which the donor produces a sample into a hat-shaped bowl that rests over an ordinary toilet. Then the donor walks out with $40.

The cold, hard cash is not, however, the only reward. To further encourage new donors to sign up, and current donors to donate more often, OpenBiome is turning pooping into a game, awarding Super Pooper nicknames—such as Vladimir Pootin, King of Poop, and Winnie the Poo—to those donors with the most samples. (These heroes remain anonymous.) The more doo you donate, the higher your Super Pooper character will climbs in the rankings. So eat your fiber!

In the event this post struck your fancy, you may also enjoy Legal Ways to Sell Your Body Online. Now get your there and eat something full of fiber.

About the author


Bryce Gruber is a Manhattanite mom who can be found jet-setting off to every corner of the globe. She loves exotic places, planes with WiFi, summer clothes, & Sucre brown butter truffles. Bryce's aim is to do to luxury what Elton John did to being gay. Follow her on twitter @brycegruber

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