FASHION

Put Your Meat Where My Crotch Is

Written by Emily

You know, I woke up today thinking I wish there was some sort of underwear/thong/brief that was made of some sort of food.   With a little help from Twitter, I’ve found exactly what I was looking for.  It’s the gift that keeps on giving with smell AND style!  They say that “rumor has it that wearing our BRIEF JERKY undergarments will release their natural pheromones once your body heat and moisture kicks in!”  I don’t know who started this rumor, but it sounds totes legit to me.

Brief Jerky

Not only are these hot booty shorts made out of USDA Choice Beef Jerky, but these guys thought of everything because it’s also been bedazzled the eff out.  God, there is nothing else in the world I would love more than to meat (heyo) the man of my dreams in these Bedazzled Meat Shorts.  Don’t think that you will be able to snack on your meat lingerie, it’s unfortunately not for consumption.  I know, I was depressed too.  Brief Jerky “are held together and lined with thin adhesive single cell foam sheets” which doesn’t sound edible to me.  Dammittttt. To order your custom made Meat Underwear, hit up these fine folks with just your waist size and credit card.  You’ll have the tastiest meat on the block!

Bedazzled Booty Shorts

PS- Failed titles for this include:

  • Your Meat Is Riding Up My Ass
  • I Wanna Wear Your Meat
  • I Want Your Meat All Over My Crotch
  • Think Victoria Secret, But Tastier
  • It’s Hard To Find a Good Pair of Nice Smelling Pants (Friends fans anyone?!)

About the author

Emily

a native New Yorker with an enormous brain that's on a never-ending quest for high style, men with accents, and any place with a disco ball. Fastest way to her heart is a guy that loves sushi and knows the difference between "there," "their," and "they're."

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