Rant of the Week: Now We Have to Worry About Penis Thieves?

Written by Gary

Allow me to break it down for you. According to police, thieves broke into the house of Fei Lin, 41, of the Niqiao village near Wenling City, in east China, put a bag over his head and cut off his penis. Apparently he felt no pain ( I can attest to this since I was circumsized at 16- the penis is pretty resilient) until he looked down and saw a bloody spot where his member used to be. The thieves are purported to be jealous lovers of some of the women Lin was sleeping with in his village. I have included a photo of Fei Lin at the bottom, just so you can see what we are working with.

There are several holes to this story (pun totally intended).

First off, Fei Lin is no real looker. You can see from the picture we are talking about a chubby, middle aged math teacher (relax, I am half Asian).  Secondly, he’s Asian. In this regard I am lucky enough to be half white also, but I find that this particular stereotype is generally true. Thirdly, he obviously wasn’t rich if several people were able to break into his house without an alarm going off, or even a dog barking (rich people have dogs, didn’t you know)? My only assumption is that he must have actually had a huge penis, making him a minority even in China, and the other men stole the infidel‘s penis to grind up into a dick smoothie, in hopes that it would make their manhood grow as well.

This story bothers somewhere deep inside my urethra. With all the hearts I have broken, I have about 160 dick-choppings coming my way. I am sleeping with the deadbolt on tonight.

Hide yo wives, hide yo kids, hide yo penises.

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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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