When I was growing up, in the south, in the 90’s, everyone smoked. Smoking was something you inherited from your parents, like pores the size of hubcaps, or inverted nipples.
Living in New York now, very few of my friends smoke. Those that do, only do so when they are drinking. I have never personally understood how the two go hand-in-hand, since drinking is supposed to lead to sleeping with strangers, so it stands to reason that you would want tasty breath. Here are some reasons you should quit smoking today.
You may think it makes you look like a badass, but waking up in the morning hacking and cackling like Wilt Chamberlain is pretty much the antithesis of sexy.
Smoking leads to a bunch of diseases that you already know about if you have ever walked outside your front door. I know that everything, even the sun can cause cancer, but smoking is something you can control.
The sooner you quit smoking, the sooner you can start making fun of all those people standing outside in the rain in 40 degree weather to siphon one last gram of nicotine from their cancer sticks to get through the workday.
People that smoke e-cigarettes look like jackasses. If you quit smoking altogether, you can make fun of them too.
Lindsay Lohan.
Your hair will no longer smell like a truckstop blowjob after a Central Florida rave.
You can bleach your teeth without worrying about them reverting back to George Washington corn niblets.
Smoking depletes the collagen in your skin. This is why Donatella Versace looks like a discarded cow hide.
There are enough things in this world that are killing us (war, gay suicide, Kristen Stewart’s acting). There is no reason to add fuel to that fire.
In 10 years, smoking will no longer exist, and gay marriage will be legal. You might as well jump on the bandwagon now, and say that you are ahead of the curve.
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