Sex Spotting: Lots of hair or barely there?

I have a good friend who, for the sake of watertight online security we will call Gryce Bruber.  Gryce and I are in an eternal debate about whether or not a man should have a full chest of hair. She doesn’t really like men to groom at all, and is avidly against the hair club for men (in her book, the grayer the better) whereas I prefer a man to take a little time to control the various jungles growing on his body.

I will be the first person to admit that it feels nice to snug up to/and/or rub a pair of he-tits covered with a finely clipped smattering of chest hair. She, on the other hand wants to be able to climb into her man’s chest tresses as if it were a haunted forest and lose herself for days in the musky flokati-like atmosphere of his upper body. This debate has been going on since the dawn of man but I am taking this opportunity to take a stand.

Here are my top three reasons for wanting a finely groomed man:

1. I floss at least twice daily if I am being dishonest and once daily if I am telling a half-truth. When I decide to go downtown on my boyfriend I don’t want to be picking curly hairs from between my teeth. Nothing kills the mood faster than a pound of yaki in between my molars.

2. I am not a cat, or Lindsay Lohan. I don’t want to wake up coughing up hairballs because I fell asleep on my boyfriend’s chest.

3. It isn’t the 1970’s or 1980’s. Chest hair in the grooming world is like a gateway drug – if we let guys get away with it now it won’t be long before everyone is sporting a Tom Selleck on their upper lip and wearing neon bell-bottoms so tight that the image of polyester moose knuckles will forever be burned into our retinas, and the retinas of our children.

I believe that the children are our future. I also believe that people should be able to do whatever they want with their body hair situations, and that includes growing out your chest hair to Beyonce-like proportions.  All I am saying is that if you look down and you can’t see your feet because the afro around your nipples is blocking the view, we probably won’t be going downtown to pound-town unless you hastily invest in a nice pair of clippers.