Everyone knows that Florida is the New Jersey of the South. Several of our staff writers (myself included) hail from the sunshine state, so we know first-hand just how stupid Florida can be.
For one thing, the state of Florida is so long that it is actually below the south. North Florida (where I grew up) is basically like Alabama’s trashier younger sister. She gets pregnant at 15 and still smokes a pack a day, but she hasn’t quite picked up a nasty meth habit just yet. The middle of Florida is basically just one big tourist trap full of collegiate sluts with frosted highlights and spray tans. South Florida is basically Cuba. So, with a state that contains such a variety of people, its no wonder it would have some really, really stupid laws. PS, I have broken almost every single one of these.
In Florida:
It is illegal to sell your children.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
You may not fart in a public place after 6 PM
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
Oral sex is illegal.
You may not kiss your wife’s breasts.
Unmarried couples may not commit “lewd acts” and live together in the same residence.
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