For years, sex has been dubbed the best cardio workout one can achieve whilst naked. Partially because there are laws against going to the gym naked, and partially because we just don’t find it socially acceptable to be jazzercising sans underpants in public. That is, until now. Apparently naked Ultimate Frisbee is the new and improved nude cardio blast. It’s fun, it’s intense, people fall all over each other, and typically no one gets pregnant.
Sadly, the University of Oregon doesn’t see this as a progressive exercise movement, but rather as an embarassment to the much-respected game of Ultimate Frisbee. In a recent statement, the University was utterly shocked to find that students were engaging in DRINKING AND NUDE ULTIMATE FRISBEE.
According to About.com, “The university’s five-member student club sports executive committee ended the season for the Ducks, who were ranked third in the nation, during a Monday meeting after officials received a complaint that some members of the men’s team played nude during an April 11 game at Oregon State University.
‘If this had been an isolated incident we would have treated it much differently,’ committee member Jeff Gibb said. ‘I’m not sure I can say that I trust the judgment of the Ultimate team — that’s why it’s so hard for me to give you another chance.’
Officials said the team was put on probation in November after throwing a party for more than 200 college Ultimate players in the region. Police were called to the house hosting the party on a noise complaint and discovered five kegs of beer and multiple minors hiding in the home’s attic.
‘Speeding, drinking, nudity — they’re not bad things,” team co-captain Dusty Becker told the executive committee. “They’re things a big portion of the community doesn’t think are wrong.’
Amen, my fellow athletes. Speeding, drinking, and nudity are all the pasatiempos of REAL American Heroes.
