Being a tatted up, edgy hipster might seem like a cool idea when you are young and wild, but what happens when your life goes from indie bands and irony to infant children and ironing your socks? Here are three classic hipster mistakes that you should try not to make in your youth, lest you regret them in adulthood.
Ironic tattoos– Irony is actually my first language, followed closely by Gay, and then the Queen’s English. What may seem ironic and edgy to you now will probably just seem irrelevant or stupid in the future. I am sure the tattoo above seemed like an awesome novelty at first, until that hipster bitch put her hand up to her face for the 100th time, and then had to admit that photography was just sort of a hobby of hers.
Super skinny jeans– I cringe every time I see a boot cut, but I still give my balls enough room to breath. Super skinny jeans only look good on super skinny people, and even then you risk looking like Tilda Swinton if you are a guy, and Tilda Swinton if you are a girl. Also, I am sure it isn’t good for your fertility to have your balls crammed into your body, or to create that much vagina heat in the crotchal region.
Smoking unfiltered cigarettes and drinking nothing but beer– You may think it makes you look like a rock star to sit on a stoop, drinking a handcrafted beer out of a paper bag and smoking a Marlboro Red. Truthfully, you probably do, because I am pretty sure that is what all rock-stars do in their down time. That doesn’t make it right though, and if you want a glimpse at your future just Google a recent picture of Steven Tyler. Drinking too much beer will give you the distended belly of an African orphan or Nascar dad. Smoking unfiltered cigarettes will result in telemarketers confusing your voice for Lindsay Lohan’s, and/or eventual lung cancer, limb amputations, and death.
The moral of the story is, instead of trying to look cool, you should just be cool. You accomplish this by just being yourself, and not really caring what you look like, instead of doing the hipster thing (caring so much about what you look like that you spend way too much time trying to look like you don’t care what you look like).
We all go through hipster periods once in a while, but hold onto your own personal style, follow this advice, and you might just make it to adulthood without a mustache tattooed on your vagina bone.
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