Now that the winter months are fully upon us we are wearing thermals under our leggings, over our thongs and fantasizing about all the warm destinations to which we will travel. Florida isn’t just for old Candians and retired Jewish parents anymore. As I get older and older I see more and more of my hip, young friends flying south for the winter, and in fact- I am here now.
So, I thought I would put together a list of the best private beaches in South Florida. Why private, you ask? Because there are less tourists on private beaches and it is much easier to have sex.
Keewaydin Beach: Keewaydin is only accessible by boat, since it is a barrier island. Findng someone with a boat in Florida though, is like finding someone with cocaine in a gay bar. Keewaydin is a protected refuge, so you might see all sorts of wildlife like manatees, ospreys, or turtles.
Anne’s Beach: Halfway between Key Largo and Key West, Anne’s beach is one of the few public beaches in the Keys. This beach is pet-friendly and has two small free parking lots. Anne’s beach is best for hanging out in shallow warm waters and drinking with the locals.
Blowing Rocks Preserve: On this beach you can hike through four coastal biomes: shifting dunes, coastal strands, mangrove wetlands and tropical hammocks. When the tide Is high, the wind pushes the waves, geyser-like through the rocks. Blowing Rocks Preserve costs $2 per person, but its worth it for all the memories of awe-inspiring vistas and public sex.
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