FOOD AND TRAVEL

True Life: Tequila

Written by Aliza

Once in a while, a product comes along that really speaks to you. Tanteo Tequila said, “Drink me, for I will accompany you on a magical journey of love, wisdom and pants-dropping that will leave you on an Avenue C street corner at 5:27 am sharing a lamb shish kabob with a bearded man named Trooth.”

Tanteo isn’t your run-of-the mill, spring-break-memory evoking, suck-on-a-lime tequila. It’s composed of ultra-premium blanco tequilas each of which are hand-infused with the flavors of Mexico: Jalapeño, Chocolate and Tropical. For the Jalapeño, four infusions of organic jalapeños are blended to capture the earthy flavor of the pepper. The Chocolate was infused with raw cocoa, both roasted and malted. Lastly, the Tropical combines mango, pineapple and guanaba extracts to produce a fruity undertone.

I laid out three delicate, miniature glass sipping cups (ie- shotglasses) and poured each tequila into its own temporary residence. I was most excited about the Chocolate flavor. This would be the literal compilation of two of my favorite things in life: tequila and chocolate. Like peanut butter and jelly, like Hall and Oates, like Adam and Eve, like Monday nights and Gossip girl, I knew these two were destined for an inseparable relationship. The first sip (shot) made me salivate like a dog in heat. I was immediately hit with the fiery tang of raw tequila that I have come to love, admire, respect and fear only on Sundays. After a moment, however, a raw, earthy cocoa flavor eveloped my mouth like a warm, sensual hug, eradicating the need for the fun gasping-air activity that often follows a shot of tequila. “Marvelous,” I thought, and to make sure I wasn’t dreaming I took two more shots. Well, one to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, and another one to celebrate the fact that I wasn’t dreaming.

Next, Flavor: Tropical. I was most intrigued by this mysterious version. There are so many flavors that one can classify as “tropical” in nature. Like crotch sand. Like oily sunscreen after it’s been licked off the washboard abs of a local following a dizzying day in the sun. Or perhaps the 1.2 pints of briney sea water consumed following a failed post-happy-hour surfing lesson. Or even “C,” all of the above. I was psyched. I took a deep, shuddering breath and knocked it back. Immediately I got the same fierce rush of raw tequila, and I was at once convinced that a semi-large group of angry Mexicans exploded in my mouth. Soon though, I felt as if my tongue was being squeegeed with a mango, pulp-side down. It was soothing, like aloe on a hot burn. I decided it was imperative that I make sure there were no underlying notes of crotch sand, so I took another. And maybe one more.

While I had been mulling over the complex infusions of both Chocolate and Tropical, Jalapeno had been waiting in the corner, silently, staring and poised to strike. He knew he was up. I was afraid he would smell my fear, so I looked and him, shook my finger, and laughed. “You….you.” I picked up the glass and shot it back. Again, the tequila tamed my mouth like a mean, relentless, sadistic dominatrix. I waited for the infusion. I had visions of Chocolate and Tropical. I did not get these things. Instead I got Jalapeno, a pepper whose motto is “don’t touch your genitals after eating me with your fingers.” My mouth felt betrayed, and I, in turn, cried a little bit. It wasn’t so much that the tequila was spicy like a Jalapeno, but that I felt like I had just eaten a salad with tequila dressing. The flavor was a bit too organic for my taste, but hey, people are into freaky shit. After all, Verne Troyer isn’t a virgin. Out of pure amazement for discovering that this might be the first ever tequila I did not enjoy, I had to drink more of it.

I’d definitely give Tanteo a shot (or 20), but would suggest them more for pairing with foods. Drinking chocolate-infused tequila all night can leave you with all sorts unforseen consequences, one of which may or may not be Trooth’s phone number.

About the author

Aliza

a born and bred Manhattan-ite who graduated Lehigh University in 2007 with a degree in Journalism. She currently lives with her two patient roommates and works for Valentino Fashion Group where she handles a lot of garment bags, answers a lot of phones, and does a lot of what anyone tells her to (most eagerly in PR and Marketing). She favors brunch over lunch, heels over flats, tequila over vodka, downtown over uptown, and a tropical destination over pretty much anything else in the world.

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