Vegetarian water has become a thing, because apparently people have forgotten that we are descended from fucking cavemen.
They say that a sucker is born every minute, and the fear-based advertising business is making bank as a result. As if we weren’t concerned enough with what we are putting into our bodies, a company called Prestige now offers “pure and vegetarian” water. The reason you absolutely must have this water is that when you drink regular old bootleg tap-water, you are consuming bacteria, viruses, and microorganisms; common knowledge to everyone who owns a microscope (i.e. 0.2% of the world’s population).
Run-of-the-mill purified water also contains the same organisms, but only after they have been murdered by chlorine and other sexy chemicals, and effectively rendered “safe”. Basically, the idea behind vegetarian water is that if you are a die-hard vegetarian and animal-lover you won’t want to ingest any kind of organism, regardless of how small it is.
READ MORE: Your Yoga Mat is Full of Dangerous Chemicals.
I don’t know how they glossed over the fact that our bodies are already chock-full of bacteria and germs, or the fact that micro-organisms aren’t technically classified as “animals”, but who needs facts when you have such a compelling advertisement? I mean, that ethnically ambiguous vegetarian woman looks really happy that her water is better than your water.
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