WTF Spotting: Who Uses Penises To Sell Mascara?

mascara bulge benefit
Written by Gary

I have to be honest, when I watch this mascara video, I am not even sure what I’m looking at. In it, “sexy men” with huge bulges prance around turning women on, then pull mascara out of their crotch, which in turn excites the women into a frenzy. Benefit Cosmetics made this internet commercial for their mascara line, based on the idea that women get aroused by mascara that smells like sweaty man crotch. There are a few things wrong with this concept including, but not limited to the following:

mascara bulge benefit

First off, the D-list talent they tracked down is in the dictionary under the opposite of sexy. Simon Rex may have been popular in the 90s MTV era, but now he has saggy old man ass and coke bloat. Not to mention, he has probably slept with every girl that has ever been on Spring Break. In case you’re wondering, yes I would still do him.

Vinny from Jersey Shore actually slept with a whorde (see what I did there? Whore + horde = Whorde) of skanky Jersey girls on National TV.

Then, of course there is some random guy who I don’t recognize, but what I do recognize is that he is working on a car, so his gennies probably smell like WD40 and old socks. Basically, Benefits Cosmetics is advertising eye herpes.

Secondly I don’t understand the connection between dicks and mascara. Yes, they are the same shape, but (hopefully) they aren’t even close to the same size. Also, trust me when I say that you don’t want a dick anywhere near your eye unless you have about 3 hours to waste, washing your eyeball with astringent and wondering if you will ever see again.

Lastly, what kind of self respecting woman does this in public? (yes, she is simulating sex with that mascara wand).

Benefits Mascara

A whore. That’s right, a whore. Or a gay guy. Either way, anybody who has ever slapped some lashes on their head knows that pumping your mascara like that will dry it out. You would think a cosmetic company would know better. Sheesh.

That being said, I love this commercial, obviously or I wouldn’t be writing about it. While I question their choices, I have to say this: Well played, Benefits Cosmetics. Well played.

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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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