Introducing an anti-masturbation cross for self-raping Christian children.
Are you worried that your child’s wandering hands will persuade him or her from the path of righteousness? Do you have to set an egg timer every time your son goes into the bathroom? Does your daughter’s obsession with crucifix-dildo scene in The Exorcist give you cause for concern? If so, you might consider buying an anti-masturbation cross restraint, to keep your family wholesome.
The anti-masturbation cross was trending on Twitter last night along with the hashtag #StopSatan2014. It actually comes from Stop Masturbation Now, an anti-masturbation group that pokes fun (no pun intended) at the idea that masturbation is evil. Internet hoaxes like this masturbation straight jacket are their way of getting the word out that masturbation should be illegal, but it’s all in good fun.
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Masturbating is also fun, as well as healthy. So if you thought, even for a second that this contraption might be a good option for your child, then you should probably take a long, hard look at your own values, then go rub one out in the bathroom. Every child should have the freedom to explore themselves in a natural, healthy way. Most of the sluts I know grew up in super strict households. #FoodForThought[ via ]