Congratulations, you’re going to be a parent (possibly again!) and you find yourself drawn to everything with cheese. All the things—nachos, pizza, tacos, grilled cheese straight up, and obviously all the variations of macaroni.
I salute this, and I’m with you, so I’ve made a list of the top cheese-inspired baby names for you to consider for your darling fetus.
- Fontina. She’s sassy, creamy, pairs well with a variety of life situations and is generally well-regarded. She’s got that Euro flair that’s so timeless and only slightly smelly.
- Brie. Is she a little basic and expected? Sure. But she’s delightful with any other child you might’ve named for a fruit, and her buttery personality will make you happy you suffered through all the morning sickness. Also, she’s a forbidden delicacy by AMA standards, so, there’s something exciting about that.
- Cheddar, Chedda, or any similar variation. Go ahead, celebrate that Northern European ancestry. Perfect for your little red-headed baby just waiting to break his or her sharp thoughts into this world. He or she will be forever regarded as the boss of the mainstream.
- Havarti. This name is so masculine and firm it would slay just about any baby modeling agency recruiter. Think about that if you want your child to have a career.
- Roumy. It’s ancient, it’s earthy, it’s African, and just waiting to enhance the quality of your life. Your veggie kebab is meaningless without Roumy, and your veggie kebab is your life.
- Paneer, Panir, Panira. You make the world a better place—you take dishes that might have too much intensity and spice to a manageable level, and a baby with this name will temper the world the same way. If you have an insane family, raise a baby named Paneer to reduce stress levels. He/she will obviously be good at yoga.
- Chimay. This baby was conceived after a night of blissful Belgian ale drinking, and that’s not a bad thing. Pronounced Shim-ay.
- Halloumi, Halumy, Halloumia. This is a child made to withstand the heat. Much like his or her cheese counterpart, this baby does not melt under pressure. A born leader.
- Bleu. No, not the French version of Queen Bey’s baby—this is the delicate, artistic, and deeply flavorful child you’ve waited your whole life for. The mold is his/her old soul.
- Raclette. Another French one—trendy, inspiring, and goes with the flow. Melts easily, tastes like happiness in river form.
- Weisslacker. You don’t love this child, he or she wasn’t in your plan.
- Feta. Did you know feta is a government-protected cheese? Your baby is your pearl, white and shiny like feta, and you will protect it forever.
- Ricotta. Smooth, delicate, with a soul like velvet.
- Manchego. Aren’t you just the manliest little bullfighting fetus in town?
- Gruyere, Gruyera. Only for the sassiest, nuttiest, most charismatic of children.
- Labne, Labna. Smooth, creamy, pure, and able to adapt to just about any war in the Middle East.
- Cotija. She’ll be a woman who knows how to get what she wants—Mexican food. She’s smart.
- Colby. A more feminine version of “Cheddar” and born only on American soil. Canadians cannot use this name.
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