Shine on, you crazy diamond.
Stop the presses, Adam Lambert should’ve won American Idol! EVERYONE AGREES! Except for Clay Aiken, who ripped Lambert a new asshole on his pay-per-view blog. And I agree with whatever Clay Aiken says, because he is America’s favorite gay dad and he knows American Idol like the inside of a well-organized, vast-but-dark-and-lonely closet. DUH! Clay Aiken was like, one of the first American Idol winners EVER! Wait, what’s that you say? Clay Aiken never won American Idol? He’s just a Spamalot performing son of a gun who keeps a cruel and unusual hair stylist under his employ? I’m always the last to know.
HOW'S THIS HAIRCUT?! DO YOU LIKE IT?! No? Okay.
So now that we all know Clay Aiken is notably irrelevant, it seems that Adam Lambert got served by some overzealous Kris Allen fans. Fans who happen to work for AT&T in the state of Arkansas. It’s well known that only elitist AT&T customers can vote for AI via text, but what if AT&T employees-turned-wunderkinds showed up at a bunch of exclusive Kris Allen parties in AK with free cellys for unlimited use (4 Kris Allen fans ONLYZ), instructing them to text till they couldn’t text no more? Till they fingas was bleedin’ and the thoughta’ textin’ one mo’ text was enough to break they spirits inta two different pieces? What if said employees showed everyone at those parties how to send ten texts with the push of one button? That’s right, it’s called power-texting (Powexing? Potexting? I smell a hot new trend piece!! It’s 2009 and everyone loves to write about texting!! ZOMG!! SMH!! FML!!).
Did someone say sexting?
Anyway, the New York Times happened to beat OK! Magazine to the punch with this tasty nugget of soft news, so a big congrats to The Grey Lady! You never cease to amaze, what with your three-years-too-late cultural ruminations and all. Here’s my own rumination: Adam Lambert LOST. I know, everyone wanted him to win because guyliner is hawt and Queen is awesome and Kris Allen just isn’t fabulous enough to be the winner of American Idol, but tough shit. Adam Lambert still lost. All the Powexing Parties in the world couldn’t help him! Just STFU, buy your American Idol summer tour tix, ask Adam to autograph your sparkly man-thongs, buy his Freddie Mercury-inspired album, and love to love him till you hate him; at which point Season 9 will begin, and we’ll all sit in front of the tube in a circle jerk, salviating over the new Adam Lambert or Kris Allen or Kelly Clarkson or Clay Aiken or Justin Girlyface or Taylor Hicks. Because FUCK, who doesn’t love an American Idol circle jerk?
This girl right here, that's who.
OMFG
WOW! This is a mess of a blog! Go rethink your writing skills and have another of those french martinis that you love so much.
I for one, am sick of the nine million times this Clay story has hit the press, the TV, the internet! Irrelevant you say? Just how irrelevant is Clay? He gets more press than the President! You also said it was a private posting on his pay-per-view fansite? Well, that’s amazing! One would think he went to the press directly, the way this hit the news.
Adam Lambert should have won AI. The ATT story is sickening. The whole dishonesty about the voting is sickening. It makes AI nothing but good TV. However these kids are singing for their life. It probably isn’t funny to them at all. You say “Tough Shit?” Wow! Good thing you aren’t Clay Aiken! You’d be apologizing for this to no end ! However you are irrelevant.
I agree, it’s a very, very good thing I’m not Clay Aiken! Wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
I’ll admit, I love knowing that you’re a loyal reader of mine! So Glory… aKa Amber Rose’s sister MiSs CaT… from one irrelevant person to another, suck it.
why is this “glory” all up in steph’s biz? whoever it is posts all over the site with different names, but it’s the same damn ip address. basically, glory, we know who you arrrrrreeeee. nice try:)