Helen Mirren was way sexier than we realized…

Dear Helen Mirren,

You looked like this in 1967, and by my calculations, that was 44 years ago. Also, by my calculations, you’re still gorgeous. Most women look like a pile of bat feces by their mid-40’s, but you look like a beauty queen well into your AARP years. I’d like to know how, because I’d like to do everything you’re doing.

Sincerely,

Bryce Gruber, adoring fan trying to look 27 forever and ever