Today, I come to you not with more joyous news of another undeserved accolade bestowed on a Jersey Shore cast member. Today, I come from a much darker place.
Last night when I retired to my sleeping quarters, I was pleased to find last week’s episode rerunning. My schedule has been erratic lately, and I missed out on what I knew to be a pinnacle turning point in Jersey Shore history: the demise of Sammi and Ronnie.
What I didn’t know? How sad watching that episode would make me. I mean, two people named “Sammi” and “Ronnie” should’ve never coupled up in the first place. They should’ve known better, and I should be happy, right? But I wasn’t. I was sad for the usually intolerable Sammi. I admit that I was half-drunk and watching bits and pieces completely out of context, but there are two vivid memories I have of the episode. One was when Sammi went home to her mom. All of a sudden, Sammi became a real person to me; one with a mom who had to watch her daughter crumple up like an old tissue in someone’s pocket. I’ve felt like a crumpled up tissue before, recently even, and watching someone else in this position, no matter how despised, does not give me the schadenfreude I regularly seek in my daily life.
The second clip I remember took place back at the Shore, where Ronnie pleads his case to the girls. It was almost like he was trying to become one of the girls, like he was saying, “I know, right? I’m such a dick! Can’t believe I did that! Sammi’s a good girl!” and the girls kind of sat there saying, “Yeah, we know Ron, you fucked up and broke Sammi’s glasses and destroyed her belongings and slutshamed her for standing up for herself and embarrassed her in front of all of us and basically drove her out of her own home in the middle of the night. Does that about chalk it up?” Because what Ronnie doesn’t get is, if a guy did that to a girl friend of his, he’d Xenadrine rage out on that dude. He wouldn’t give someone a free pass after they verbally abused one of his homegirls. In some situations, being sorry or knowing you fucked up is not enough. And in this case, it will never be enough.
That’s why today is a sad Jersday. You have two fucked up people who, now that the season has ceased filming, are back together again. That’s right. Sammi has forgiven Ronnie. Sammi told US Magazine this week that she got back together with Ronnie because, “he’s a good person,” (who called her a spoiled bitch) and, “…I get out of hand, he gets out of hand.” I know that relationships are complex and unique and fucking hard. But just like watching a horror film and knowing that someone is about to walk into the wrong room and get their ass handed to them, I feel uncomfortable watching tonight with the knowledge that somewhere, Sammi is still a proverbial crumpled tissue.
