You are a human, which means there’s a 99.999999999 percent chance that you agree with me that Beyonce is basically the most awesome human ever, Moses aside. And, if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably spent countless sleepless nights pondering just what it is that makes Beyonce so cleverly perfect. Well, here’s some science to start:
Aside from her near-perfect facial symmetry, I’ve compiled the following additional reasons (none of which can or ever should be argued with):
1. She dances like a really horny angel
2. She believes in love at any cost. She married Jay Z, regardless of the obvious risk of his lips swallowing her head during baby-making sessions.
3. There was never, ever a time when chunky highlights were a good idea, but somehow Beyonce rocked them a few years ago without anyone calling her out.
4. Beyonce is every race, I think.
5. Beyonce’s baby is Blue Ivy, incorporating elements of both water and earth. If she names her next baby something like Flame Cloud, she’ll have fire and air elements. Together, with rings joined, they’ll become Captain Planet and save the world from global warming.
6. She brought curves back. Kim K wouldn’t even be a thing if Sasha Fierce didn’t pave the way. My ass thanks Beyonce every single day, too. Also, who else could make lyrics like “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly,” work on mainstream radio? NO ONE, THAT’S WHO.
I’m also willing to bet the universe holds about 19 trillion more reasons for Beyonce’s awesomeness. If you suspect you know any or all of them, please share.
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