Behold the Cthurkey

Written by Gary

The Cthurkey is a Thanksgiving abomination.


Call me weak, but I’ve never really been one to experiment with food. When it comes to things I put in my mouth, I pretty much know what I like and stick to that. I would never even consider eating this abomination of Thanksgiving and Internet trends, the Cthurkey. Before I even get into explaining what exactly it is, you can see clearly that it looks like evil plopped itself on a plate. Like, no, no, no, and obviously not. This is the kind of scene you’re supposed to see when you show up for a meal at a soup kitchen in inner city Beijing.

Anyway, the whole food-stuffed-into-another-food thing started with the Turducken, and has continued on with many other versions. Without a doubt that the Cthurkey is the most terrifying.

READ MORE: Food that is Eaten Alive: Yay or Nay?

The Cthurkey is inspired by H.P. Lovecrafts Cthulhu, and is basically a turkey with crab legs, stuffed with an octopus and covered in bacon. Do I really need to explain why a turkey stuffed with a giant and gross octopus wrapped in bacon and hanging out with a bunch of turkey-afflicted-crab is wrong? Here’s a primer on why shellfish is unhealthy, and if that’s not enough you may recall the news that bacon leads to cancer.

The pilgrims are rolling around in their graves right now, either wondering what the eff happened to their great country, or why the eff they didn’t think of this first. I assume the former, and I will pray for you, America.



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About the author


Gary is the gay guy that every girl wants to be, and every guy wants to be with (Mostly because he can't get pregnant). He is based in Manhattan, but loves traveling to exotic new people, and sleeping with interesting new places. He is an adventurous writer, digital artist, and game designer that will try almost anything if it makes a good story.
--Instagram: @garyadrianrandall --Twitter: @gadrianrandall

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