All my love and support for all the over-worked and under-caffeinated moms out there… keep on keepin’ on. <3
1. Mother’s Day. Today is a bittersweet day for me… mostly sweet, though. This is my third mother’s day, and my son is just getting to the age where he can say things like “love you mommy” and “more kiss please.” These words melt my heart, and make every bit of struggle totally worthwhile. But, I’m still reminded of the fact that all three of these Mother’s Days have been alone without a father figure for Ben or much family around. It’s strange to think I want to share all these parenting victories with someone and there’s usually no one to do that with. I often gush to my office about Ben learning his colors, or to Gary that Ben had his first ice cream cone, or to my cousins that he’s learning how to kick a soccer ball around.
2. Today Was A First. Ben was supposed to stay at his dad’s for part of the weekend, and since they have so little time together I felt guilty (even on Mother’s Day) asking Baby Daddy for our son all to myself. We agreed that I could have him back by around 3:30 or so… so I had the better part of the morning and early afternoon to relax. Boyfriend’s son was with his mother, so he showed up with a bouquet of flowers and took me for Mother’s Day brunch at a restaurant I’ve never been to in a part of town I seldom get to go to. It was fun, and exciting, and the food was delicious. I felt special, and appreciated. And, in some weird way, it might’ve been my first real Mother’s Day. I just wish I had my son there, too.
3. Ah, Baby Daddy. By the time brunch ended we hopped back into Boyfriend’s car with bellies stuffed with empanadas, mango salad, and salmon. We were stuffed. We were happy. We hit an insane amount of traffic heading south on the West Side Highway. I was about 10 minutes late to meet Ben and Baby Daddy at the front of my building, and Baby Daddy didn’t like my tardiness one bit. I’ve never been late before. In fact, I’m usually early. I responded to each and every one of Baby Daddy’s ‘you’re 4 minutes late, where are you!?” texts with kind, patient responses because I was full of food, cheer, and energy. I was happy… until about a block away from my apartment Boyfriend pulled the car over and said, “alright…”
Alright? Alright what? He was leaving me on the side of the road on Mother’s Day without any explanation?
I shot him a sort of confused-meets-disgruntled look. He shot back a quick, “don’t get all hurt… you want me to hug it out with your ex?!”
No, but I didn’t think it would’ve killed you to drop me in front of my building… you didn’t have to get out of the car. Or getting out to shake Baby Daddy’s hand for 2 seconds, saying hi to my son that you’ve seen every single week for the past several months, or just helping me with my bags up the stairs might’ve been a great ending to a nearly-perfect day.
4. It Doesn’t Matter. I got my baby, dropped my things upstairs, plopped him back in his stroller, and headed out to do the one thing we love to do most as mother and son- watch the boats and helicopters pass along the river. We must’ve watched a million boats go by on this sunny, warm day, and about as many helicopters zipped through the air. It was perfect. Ben articulated that he saw a blue boat, loves cars, he wants to live in a taxi, and that most importantly- I’m his mom. He pointed to me, put his little finger right on my chest in front of my heart, looked me in the eyes, and said “Benny mommy” for the very first time. I cried. It was perfect.