‘The Catacomb Saints’ were discovered in tombs underneath Rome, and have been bejeweled and distributed throughout the world.
I used to think I wanted to be cremated or turned into a tree when I died, but the Catacomb Saints have changed my mind. Everyone knows about the catacombs under Paris, but in 1578, a network of tombs was discovered underneath the streets of Rome. The chambers held the bodies of early Christian martyrs aptly named the “Catacomb Saints” who died defending their Christian beliefs. The saints have since been bejeweled and distributed throughout Europe to remind people of the heavenly treasures that await them if they don’t have gay sex or murder anyone. It’s interesting that the reward for abstaining from homosexuality is to be covered in gems for the rest of eternity, but, whatever. I’m not any level of actual historian or sociologist.
READ MORE: Could You Sleep in the Paris Catacombs?
There is a book on the subject by Paul Koudounaris, who traveled through Europe trying to find information on each individual saint. His book, called Heavenly Bodies: Cult Treasures & Spectactular Saints from the Catacombs is available here.
Say what you will about burial methods, but now, when I die, I want to be covered in jewels and put on display for the world to see… because the life I’m living right now should match my afterlife. Amen.
