Give it up for sexting: staple of horny tweens, inarticulate adults, and bored adulterers alike! It’s turning into somewhat of a social epidemic in America, no? It’s commonplace for a teacher to confiscate a cell phone, only to find pictures pix of their 8th grade student balls deep in a chicken pot pie with the caption “wish u were here <3.” Let me tell you something; teachers don’t get paid enough to be subjected to baby dicks and texts that defy the laws of basic grammar, sex, and the time/space continuum. It just ain’t right.
So what to do? The Freedom to Text is like, pretty much part of the constitution. The great news though, is that we only sometimes pay attention to what the constitution says! For example, The Patriot Act pretty much erased the 4th amendment, and there are still tons of people who don’t mind. Let’s not let silly things like freedom or privacy stand in the way of this corrupt texting practice. We need to punish sexters for their sins. Just like China!
Look, China has the highest population in the world, they are paying America’s war debts, and their children begin preparing for the Olympics when they’re embryos (or seven, but who’s counting?) Plus, their haircuts alone deserve respect. That being said, I’m more than willing to follow their example of jailing people for up to 10 days for perverted… texting… what?
Apparently, doing the slutty text thing is NOT okay in China. Sexting has gotten so out of hand in the East that it’s not unusual to receive a penis pic from someone you don’t even know! They’re sending sexts at random! This demonstrates both a need for intervention and the truth Americans need to never forget: China will always one-up us, even at sending inappropriate sexual text messages.
Depending on where you live, punishment varies; you could be jailed, fined, sued for sexual harassment (see? we’re already half-way there!) My personal FAVORITE punishment– if you get caught sexting, your name will be released to the media and everyone will know that you’re a skanky, sexting dirtbag. I’m not sure how it works, maybe it’s some sort of perv-alert news ticker that runs on the bottom of your favorite news programme. Try that Scarlett Letter on for size, sleeze. THIS IS SO WRONG THAT IT IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
I smell a ‘To Catch a Predator’ spin-off.
uuughhhh