Dear Cadillac CTS Engineers,
I want to write you a sincere “thank you” note for providing me with one of the most enjoyable driving experiences I’ve ever had. It was just a couple Tuesdays ago I suited up with a fellow editor to head to a particularly foreign region of New England (okay, it was just Connecticut) for a TV appearance… we had no idea where we were going, but your GPS did. We had no idea that the weather would be so cold on that October evening, but your tushy warmers kept our body heat seared in. We also had no idea that NYC-based radio would fade out somewhere around Greenwich, but your satellite radio kept us shimmying our way up to Hartford without skipping a beat.
I mean, aside from all that little stuff, I’m not sure I even touched the gas pedal at all and I kept hitting 80 MPH. Seriously, the pedals were so sensitive that telepathy seemed to work. Oh, and I think the sleek design is an automatic boyfriend-catcher. On the way back from Hartford my hair was a mess (thanks to the windows being down), my makeup was a joke, and I had the faint smell of doughnuts all over me… but that didn’t stop EVERY SINGLE STRAIGHT MAN from stopping me in parking lots, at lights, and just about anywhere else to say, “gorgeous ride,” and wink at me. Seriously, if I was in desperate need of a boyfriend I think the first think I’d do is run out and get a CTS.
My only issue is this: I am now a monster. I will never be able to rent a “midsize sedan” again. I’m sorry, but a typical car will no longer do.
Sincerely,
Bryce Gruber
