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Early America: WTF Were You Thinking?!

Written by Emily

Seeing as my mom is in the medical field, it baffles most as to how much Diet Mountain Dew and Diet Coke I used to consume (gave it up for Lent kiddos), but now it occurs to me I was just born generations too late.

What are the benefits of drinking Cola?! It boosts personality, gives body essential sugars, AND promotes and active lifestyle! It also helps your shy child to fit in better during those “awkward teen years.”  Wow. Sounds legit to me! I wonder if this was back in the time when they were still using cocaine in Coke-a-Cola. That would be a win for EVERYONE!

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Well, I don’t know about you, but I hope this next one I can find on Amazon.com. It’s a dimple machine thanks to Isabella Gilbert (who has probably been dead forever) from Rochester, N.Y!!! Now you too can be just as cute as Jennifer Garner with your man made dimples. Looks comfy too!! I blame the FDA for awesome inventions like this being stifled from being sold to the American public.

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About the author

Emily

a native New Yorker with an enormous brain that's on a never-ending quest for high style, men with accents, and any place with a disco ball. Fastest way to her heart is a guy that loves sushi and knows the difference between "there," "their," and "they're."

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