I canâ€™t quite put my finger on what Paris Hiltonâ€™s Fairy Dust perfume smells like, but if you said a naked fairy slutâ€™s vagina and dirty rainbow excretion, youâ€™d be, like, pretty dead on.
First of all, the box looks like this:
Letâ€™s be honest â€“ with an image like this,Â the perfume never stood a chance with me.
Paris, I have news for you. You couldnâ€™t do â€œfairyâ€ with Christian Siriano as a coach. Fairies evoke ethereal beauty, diminutive proportions, and gracefulness. You evoke vodka, tortured miniature puppies, and panty-flashes.
The scents that are said to make up â€œFairy Dustâ€ include prosecco accord, peach nectar, pink peonies, orange blossoms, patchouli, and vanilla. However, youâ€™d never know by smelling it. Thatâ€™s because it attacks your nostrils with the force of 800 angry Tinker Bells ready to shove their magic wands straight up your naÃ¯ve ass.
Please let me do the honor of providing you with a beautiful quote from the informative press materials that accompanied my bottle of â€œFairy Dust.â€
â€œParis Hilton waves her magic wand and enchants young women in every corner of the world with Fairy Dustâ€¦ It invites women of every age to believe that with a sprinkle of Fairy Dust dreams really can come true.”
Let me also point out that in the first sentence of that description, Paris “enchants young women,” and in the second sentence, it’s for “women of every age.” So cougars, you can purchase Ms. Hilton’s perfume, but enchant you it will NOT. That’s only for the young’uns. So, so sorry.
I, for one,Â am now going toÂ douse myself in Fairy Dust and set myself ablaze to the tune of “The Stars Are Blind.”
Disclosure: All products were provided for review. No monetary compensation was received for this review. All opinions belong to the author.