As anyone who isn’t living under a rock knows, Kanye and Kim named their baby North West. Lets just start with a big, steaming nugget of honesty, shall we? North West is something you get tattooed on your chest to be ironic, in the unfortunate event that your last name is West. It is not something you name a child who is already going to go through HELL in school because her parents won the “most likely to copy her fame whore best friend by making a sex tape” and “biggest douche with the smallest penis” at Hollywood high school. All I am saying is that this child and Gwyneth’s kid Apple are already besties by proxy.
Of course, it is to be expected that Kanye named his kid North, but I can only assume that it was written into Kim Kardashian’s kontract (or the ten commandments, because I am pretty sure even Moses himself is tired of that trend ) that any offspring shall not bear a name that starts with the letter K. Any time you marry a gay guy to increase your fame, there are bound to be contractual obligations. Still, even I can think of a better name than North West, so here are my top 5.
Kwest West– Because she will be on a constant quest to prove that she is adopted.
Konquest West– Because her birth marks the beginning of a harrowing journey to be emancipated at the age of 8.
South West– Because SouthWest Airlines has really great last minute deals.
Jesus F%cking Christ Kardashian-West– Because Kanye thinks he is God, so it only makes sense that his daughter would be named Jesus. And it’s still so ironic.
Obama Kardashian– Because it is arguably the only name that would generate more press than North, and that is the obvious objective of this relationship.
P.S. Remember a while back, when I wrote that people should leave Kim Kardashian alone? Shes’ not pregnant anymore. Game on.
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