Why do women get to have all the fun? Unless your man is super comfy with his sexuality you may never get him to admit it, but there are certain things that women get to do that make men jealous. Since I am an eternal seeker of justice and truth, I will divulge those secrets, now.
No, wait. Now.
Men would wear dresses if they could. Its not really fair that girls get so many options with outfits and accessories and the only choices a man gets are what tie to wear with which shoes. From a construction standpoint, dresses actually seem more appropriate for men, since we could wear them without underwear and pee without having to unzip or disrobe.
Men like to pee sitting down. Its not that the ability to pee anywhere, anytime isn’t liberating, but sometimes we guys like to take a load off and have ourselves a seat. Not to mention, living with a woman is hard enough without having to worry about yellowing the toilet seat every 15 minutes. If you live with a guy and he never gets pee on the toilet seat, chances are he is squatting behind your back like a pregnant teenager on prom night.
Men like to cry. It may not always come easy to us (even as a gay man, my inclination is to hold back emotionally) but there is no denying that crying is a great stress releaser, second only to masturbation. Crying while masturbating is the ultimate stress reliever, but I doubt you will get your guy to admit that, since it seems a little sexually deviant.
Men would like to give birth. Whether they admit it or not, men secretly would like to know what its like to have children, since its the one thing they would never be able to do. When I first wrote this, I was going to phrase it: “Men would like to know what its like to have another person inside them” But then I remembered my Saturday night and it no longer made sense.
Men would like to make out with their bros at bars. Okay, so maybe that is a definite overstatement, but there is some truth to the fact that it isn’t socially acceptable for a guy to show affection to his best friends in public the way a girl can. I am not saying every straight guy longs to hold his best friend’s hand and gaze longingly into his mascara-smudged eyes, but human beings are affectionate creatures by nature, so it stands to reason that social stigmas are the only reason straight guys don’t go around cupping each other’s butt cheeks on the street.
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