PSA: Stop Wearing Flower Crowns

This is a public service announcement — take off your flower crown.

It was cute while it lasted. It really was. However, you know if the NYTimes gets involved in these sort of pressing matters, you need to stop. I feel as though the Times’ Style Section hasn’t been the same since the departing of Cathy Horyn but that’s none of my business. So let’s get down to business and discuss your shitty flower crown.

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I know what you’re all trying to do. You’re all trying to be that one singer that drives down the West Coast and makes death glamorous. Guess what? You’re not. This was so cute when it started. I really did enjoy seeing a girl at a music festival with a flower crown getting in touch with her natural roots. Then I saw a 16-year-old lose her mind on drugs at Electric Zoo with a flower crown on top of her head and I was immediately turned off.

Suddenly, this fashion trend was no longer about trying to imitate the hippie lifestyle and get in touch with the music. It was about being the scene queen of the festival and losing your shit (literally and figuratively). Then it moved into this thing where girls starting wearing them to the bars and the nightclubs and flowers have no business being mixed with your vodka cranberry.

The flower crown that broke my back over this is when people were charging well over $100 for a single flower crown. Why? Because some people are so dumb that they feel the need to pay someone to pick flowers for them. Did you not do this as a child? It was all the rage as an adolescent. The only exception to this is on your wedding day. Want to throw some flowers in your hair? Be my guest!

Just do me a solid. Don’t be that tool that is wearing a $300 flower crown on your head at the nightclub with a floral crop-top because you think it’s cuter than cute.