Scientists have found a legitimate hangover cure in the simplest place.
Everyone has their own hangover cure. Mine involves masturbating, crying, and then taking a bath, in that order. If that ritual doesn’t work, I just get fucked up again.
Researchers at Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organization have recently discovered that people who consume 1 cup of Asian pear juice before drinking alcohol have diminished hangover symptoms the next day, specifically in the areas of being able to focus on fucking anything except how crappy you feel.
Researchers think the phenomenon has to do with enzymes present in pear juice that speed up alcohol metabolism and slightly inhibit absorption.
Just in case you are thinking of trying this, (I sure as hell am), make sure you consume the pear juice before you drink, otherwise it won’t work, and the point of a hangover cure is to actually work, right? Also, this doesn’t give you carte blanche to go out and get totally shit-faced, because the study hasn’t been proven yet, and I don’t need anyone getting alcohol poisoning on my watch.
Just kidding, I don’t care. Drink away.
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