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How To Spot A Gold Digger Like It’s Your Job

Written by Elizabeth Mitchell

I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger, but…Okay wait, yeah, I am actually saying that.

If you’re reading this article right now you might be thinking to yourself, “Hey, isn’t it women that are typically gold diggers? And if so, why do I need to know how to spot one then?” Well little lady, the answer to your first question is a resounding yes. You should learn how to spot a gold digger. And as for your second question, because well, someone’s got to protect the men in your life, right? If your brother’s oblivious to his greedy girlfriend’s gold digging ways or your BFF since you were a little kid is getting caught up with a money loving whore, it’s your duty to expose that betch for what she is. On that note, here are 4 ways to spot a gold digger from a mile away.

1. Her favorite restaurant is the trendiest/most expensive one in town.

Beware ladies. A gold digger will always try to play this one off by raving on and on about how delicious the food is there. But in actuality, she’s only ever ordered the salad. A gold digger’s gotta look good for the paparazzi, duh!

2. She lovesss talking fashion.

Except she doesn’t know shit about fashion, other than the fact that she wants to get her greedy hands on another Louis Vuitton handbag or anything with the label Prada on it or the infamous Chanel logo.

3. She REALLY loves gifts.

And she won’t put out until she gets what she wants (ahem, presents). Some might call this prostitution (us), others might call it normal (her).

4. She’s significantly younger and/or hotter than her significant other.

Right, like you think Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends actually loved him????

5. She lies about being on birth control…

And gets pregnant…on purpose (although she would never admit that). Yikes! Sorry to say it, but your loved one is kind of f*cked from this point forward. Homegirl is way too excited to be raking in child support checks for the next 18 years to realize that poopy diapers are her future. When she finally figures it out though, rest assured, she’ll make him hire a nanny.

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About the author

Elizabeth Mitchell

Born and raised in NC, Liz attended college at NYU before making the move to the City of Angels where she currently resides. She has an uncanny love for all things neon, prefers regular to diet and secretly wishes she were a hipster because it’d be ironic. Follow her on twitter at your own risk: @emitchell456

1 Comment

  • I cannot believe guys have not figured this one out…. downplay any job title you hold.. tell them you don’t have a car. If they accept a date without a car.. they are not gold diggers. Talking about success is just about as terrible an idea as a woman discussing her sexually experience.

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